READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
