He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
