fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
