Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
