tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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