he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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