kristin has been a bad kristin
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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