hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
