so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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