i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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