come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
