I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
