she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
