Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
