I heard we made out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
false alarm, still single
Randomize
