i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
