I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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