gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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