with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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