Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
3pm strippers are depressing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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