The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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