Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
