if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
