Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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