He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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