The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Randomize
