i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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