ya dads aren't the best wingmen
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm both gender and math confused
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
