Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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