Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
