Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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