woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
