Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
