So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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