I need help removing her.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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