I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize