We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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