I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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