Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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