this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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