a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize