you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
