This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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