yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You don't make any sense
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