I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
