I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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