Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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