I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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