Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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