____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
