We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
