I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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