Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
