Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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