Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
