I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
