I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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