kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
