She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
