I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
