yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
