I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
