i love accidental penises.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
