i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
