We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
