In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
