We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
