So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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