He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
