dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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