Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
