Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
