I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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