Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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