a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
