Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
