You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
