Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
