I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
