I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize