i will never coherently bang her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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