After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
