that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize