i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
