marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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