oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
