where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
