I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
