Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
