Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
